I will never forget the first time I heard of this vague concept called "Shoot 'Em Up" and I was intrigued. But then I saw the preview. It is as if Corporate Marketing folks in a secret chamber said "Horror of horrors! Mr. Njudah is not buying enough movie tickets! How can we get him and similar cool connisseurs of Pop Culture into our stupid movie theaters?"
After furious amounts of research, fueled by Red Bull and whatnot, they realized "Oh, wait! here's the formula! Guard it with your lives:
-put Clive Owen in the movie
-put Monica Bellucci (on whom Mr. Njudah has been carrying a torch for since BEFORE the Matrix trilogy)
-have lots of amazing examples of how to kicks ass and take names
-oh and just to frak with him, put in Paul Giamatti as the bad guy
-wait, did we forget to mention have LOTS OF AMAZING ACTION and stuff?
End of Memo"
But here is where mere words and reviews do not do justice to the film itself. I mean, sure, I can tell you that in the first 5 minutes Clive Own skillfully delivers a baby while shooting down like, 15 bad guys with the other hand but me saying it is stupid. You seeing it is like "omg, it's like they looked into Njudahs brain and wrote down exactly what he wanted to see on Friday afternoon!"
I hate spoiler-y reviews so I shan't ruin it for you. All I will say is this : whenever I've seen a Die Hard or simliar film and they have all sorts of silly mayhem and serious ass kicking, I and my trusted colleague Mason Powell dub it a "total McBain moment", in honor of the character played by Rainier Wolfcastle on The Simpsons.
This film was McBain on frakking steroids, caffiene, guarana, and God Knows What Else. And you know what? I LOVED IT.
My biggest regret of my short sojourn in Los Angeles was not somehow waiving a magic wand and getting to produce awesome films, which would star awesome actors like Clive Owen some day, and more important, allow me but a few moments with the lovely Monica Bellucci so that I might take in her awesome acting skillz and hotness in person.
But hey! Maybe she reads the N Judah Chronicles. You never know, right?
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